I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
