He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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