The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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