She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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