I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
