Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
