im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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