i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
