Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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