***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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