also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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