when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
