Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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