Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
