I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
