i'm signing you up for texting rehab
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
