So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
