if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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