Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
