I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I've blown a few things in my day
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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