I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
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