I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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