Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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