Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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