Your dad touched me again.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
