Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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