u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
