His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
