He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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