Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
