So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
