The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
