we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize