i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
