Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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