i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
