I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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