She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
