it hurts more in the daytime
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
