your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just threw up on my dentist
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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