Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
