Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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