before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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