He kissed a someone with a penis
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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