Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
