plz talk dirty to me
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
