Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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