just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
