Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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