i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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