He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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