dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
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I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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