My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
