Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
