South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
