I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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