I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
