Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Even my vagina gasped.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
