i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
